Tom,
I am sorry you are in so much pain. I remember it very well. Please, please keep posting and reading, and get to a NA meeting - if you don't like that one try another one. There are good meetings out there.
I am now 59. I went to rehab at 35, stayed sober for 8 years, drank, stayed sober for 9 years, then started drinking again 4 years ago. I have 74 days sober. I wish I would have done something to help myself when I was your age - I would have avoided a lot of hassles, heartbreak and depression. Do whatever you have to do NOW....it will not get easier, and it only gets worse and worse and worse. We are all here to help you, and we understand. Take care. Positive energy is being sent your way right now!