Originally Posted by
Tom1989 
Hello, my name is Tom. I have been a drug addict for quite some time (for about 3.5 years). I am 22 years old but I look like I'm 12. I started snorting heroin when I found it as a better alternative to pills. I haven't graduated to the needle and I hope I never will, I've been using H for about a couple years.
This is the very first time I've ever truly asked for help. Heroin is ruling my life and I cannot stop it, I love it too much. I always have to be in possession of it or I get incredibly anxious and would do anything to get more. I am very nervous asking for help like this, I feel very vulnerable, and I am not one to open up about these sort of things. All I know is that if I don't do something about my addiction soon my life is going to be over. I have been forced into several rehabs, and none of them have worked for me because I resisted 100%. I know that may be selfish but I would like someone to please, please help me help myself without getting locked up in a rehab, just to get out and use again right when I get released.
I'm losing everything. My relationships, one with the love of my life, all my money due to legal problems, if I don't stop now, or at least go on a hiatus then I'm done for. I'm thinking about going to an NA meeting tomorrow to talk about my problems. NA never helped before but I'm getting desperate.
I also have an incredible problem with depression, which I'm guessing may contribute to the reasons why I use so much. I was very depressed prior to me ever taking so much as a tylenol.
If I have broken any rules by being too specific than I apologize in advance. This isn't easy for me.
Somebody, please help me. I need advice. Thank you SO much for your time and consideration. Perhaps even your compassion.
-Tom
Welcome to SR Tom! I had to chuckle at your post a little bit because I'm 26 but I look like I'm 16, so I know how you feel.
I was never addicted to Heroin, but I was a long time alcoholic, drinking every night, so I know how draining and terrible addiction can be. When I was in the depths of my depression, the only way I saw out was through death, so I essentially gave up caring about whether I lived or died. Fortunately, I somehow, out of nowhere, finally got fed up one night and decided I was going to rehab. I had never been before, so it was my first time, but I had tried quitting a million times before.
It's very true that until you are committed to recovery you can go to the best rehab in the world and it won't help you, but once you are able to get committed to the process of getting sober then you will be successful. For me, this meant taking one step at a time, one day at a time. So first I focused on going to rehab. The good thing was that commitment to rehab kept me clean long enough to make a clear headed decision to
stay sober. After I got out I started going to 12 step support groups and working the 12 steps.
It sounds like you have really reached a place where you are starting to approach recovery with an open mind, so I'm sure that your view of NA will be quite different this time around. The most important thing is to keep an open mind and remember that it has worked for so many people that more than likely it can work for you too, if you work it.
Life may seem kind of depressing right now, but great things are around the corner for you if you are able to stay committed to the idea of getting sober for good.
Best wishes in your journey!