Cyranoak

I'm a 46 year old man with a teenage daughter, and an alcoholic wife who spent most of the last 11 years drunk. I'll share my views with you.

First, he is 100 percent responsible for his drinking. When alcoholics blame others for their drinking it's something we call gas lighting. It's also denial. It's also ********. If you were skinnier he'd still drink, he will treat other women the same way he treats you (once they are unlucky enough to connect with him-- he'll be a prince until then), and yes he'll liquor up, but because he's an alcoholic, not because that's what it takes to spend time with them.

He is holding him back from the life he really wants, not you and not ever. He's a grown man for God's sake! You are not his mother!

Also important is that you didn't make him buy a house and you didn't make him settle down. He chose to-- you don't have that kind of power and neither do I. I used to think that way too, and it was just as bad for me as it is for you.

Lastly, and more important that anything else I've said is this-- YOU DID NOT "GIVE" HIM HIS CHILDREN. You had children together, they are not possessions to give and take, and they absolutely are pure victims in this whole situation. What he's doing to them is unconscionable, and please research and read threads here about what this disease does to children, what alcoholics do to children, and what the spouses of alcoholics (me and you) do to children.

Don't make the same mistakes I did. Go to Alanon, at least six meetings, and you'll find tools to protect your children and yourself. Your adult husband is on his own, and whatever happens to him is 100 percent his fault.

Take care,

Cyranoak