it's just crazy how when you're living in the midst of it it's your "normal" and you don't really see at all how crazy it is. and now, looking back, any one of the things that i brushed aside as not "that big a deal" are enough to make me shudder and wonder how i didn't just pack up and go right then...
Isn't it though? I'm sort of ashamed (but I tell people anyway, because I know there's someone who is today where I was then and who needs to hear it) to admit that until a friend overheard my then AH berate our daughter in the background while I was on the phone and said "That's abuse. You don't have to live like this"
I just wasn't sure. I knew I didn't like it, but I minimized the problems. I knew it wasn't normal (my birthfamily was supremely normal and addiction-free), but
I could handle it (because I was so sane and superior and Superwoman).
I needed someone from the outside to point out to me that what I was living with was unacceptable. I will cherish that friend forever. Most people don't want to step in and say things like that -- but I had one friend who was like the little kid in the fairy tale and pointed out that the Emperor had no clothes. And that he was drunk and abusive. And for that, I am grateful.