Thank you, you are so not alone. I am going thru exactly the same emotions....it drives me crazy and. Swore if I could rid myself of the stress, crazy life....I wouldn't look back. I tried ending things last Friday....still having a hard time with not hearing from him. It's been almost 4 years and it gets worse. I wish you well because in truth....do we really wan this lifestyle? No! Easier said than done.