amends
I am having real trouble, getting over some of the things I did at my last place of employement. I was employed there 14 years,, in the end my drinking caught up with me in a big way. I was traveling the last 2-3 years on the job. Just drinking out of control every night at a hotel. I was just miserable. I was chasing my tail everyday telling lies to my boss about why I wasnt at a meeting,, not doing things I was suppose to do etc, they sent me to rehabe twice in a 5 month period. I just could not stop,, i was drinking and taking xanax everyday. I felt like i was going to collapse at the end and i did. The worst part wasnt losing the job (although that was really bad) the worst part was after 14 years of working for these guys the last 2 years of constant lies (which were a direct result of drinking in one way or another) have just left me walking around everyday like a zombie. I have tried contacting them to talk. No dice. It has been since March 4 that i was let go. I have been sober since may 15. I still feel as bad now as I did when everything happened and I was fired. It was like a long build up of two crazy years of dinking and xanax and then the knock out punch came. There are three people, that I have tried to make amends to, I have spoke to one. It went sort of ok. The other two just wont return my phone calls, They both live out of town. What should I do. I walk arounf with this guilt and shme everyday. It is horrible. Any response would be very helpful