Julia you can write anytime you need it, I have written everything here and they haven't kicked me out yet LOL ! this is a safe place to share your true feelings, fears and there will always be someone who has gone through similar situations or is having the same questions ... there is true empathy and wisdom here.
2 days IS A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT, CONGRATULATIONS!
My pattern is also emotionally unavailable men, that is why I have been single for a little less than a year now ... I am starting to feel the huge emptiness in my heart, and its scary how much love & affection I lacked in life but now I am starting to take care of myself, the loneliness can be filled by our own love, compassion and hope, I am convinced of this. Mourning an active alcoholic was very hard, but I have been 3 years away now, 3 years of No contact and I have healed, there are wonderful things awaiting you and much to look forward to, much laughter, joy ... I did not believe this when I was hurt and felt betrayed but, it is true.. you WILL heal... one day at a time, one hour at a time. (BTW my XABF was also verbally abusive, that is how they start physical abuse, imagine if he had done something even worse to you or your daughter?? that would have been horrible, please stay away from this man!)
Hugs and let us know how you are doing.