m1k3

I have been having some positive interactions with my AW lately. We separated about 7 months ago. Been on a couple of outings that went well and I had a good time. It got me thinking about getting back together at some time in the future, not near future. I went through my head about living space and boundaries and all of that when it hit me.

Why would I even consider these types of living arrangements? I thought about it from the point of view of what would I say to someone who had who posted here with the exact same types of issues. I would have said “how does that help your recovery?”. I turned my own saying on myself and realized very quickly it doesn’t. Would I go into a new relationship with these types of issues? Heck no!

It was also a big help when later in the week I got an email where she stated that she was not an alcoholic and did not have any addiction problems. It was very manipulative stating her problem was with depression and that she couldn’t recover without my support. Major red flags there. I spoke to her a couple of days later and she didn’t sound right, like she was either drinking or using pills again. That same night I got a voice mail from my one daughter telling me she had talked to her mother on the phone and that she sounded funny, like she had been drinking or something.

This whole situation reminded me that I have choices and I can choose not to live with her again even if she does get better. When I moved out I told her she was standing on her last bridge. I do believe its smoldering ruins have just crashed into the river.

I think this whole process is a good sign of how my recovery is working. I did not engage or get angry or take the bait with the manipulation and mostly what I feel is relief. I can with a clear conscious put this whole relationship behind me.

Thanks to everyone here who helped me get where I am.

Your friend