Juliagoolia

Hi...well I guess I am running out of ideas so Ill give this a shot. For the past 2 years I have been on a roller coaster of a ride with my man who happens to have a severe alcohol problem. It wasnt until 6 months into the relationship that I realized how bad it really was. By then I had fallen in love and couldn't just walk away. I like many thought if he saw how happy he was with me and my daughter he would have the strength to quit. But the sad part is I dont think he wants to.When he wants to drink he will pick a fight with me over nothing and then dissapear out of my life for weeks. He has all the signs of a typical alocoholic he breaks dates, makes promises he cannot keep, lost his job is living in what I would consider a nasty home he lies and when hes drunk is border line insane. He has slowly gotten worse and worse. We have been broken up since June and Last month started to spend time with one another again since he for 3 weeks was sober. He is the most amazing man while sober I cannot believe what a difference He is mean and abusive (verbally) and doesn't care about anything when drinking. I know I cannot fix him. He is now dabbling with drugs and hanging out with people just like himself. I have had to completely remove myself from the picture. I wanted to try and be there for him no matter what I love him with all my heart but I can no longer take the abuse. I feel very quilty I am really afraid that he is going to die or hurt someone else. We partied a lot when we first met and when I did realize he had problems with it I pulled back and tried to encourage days without drinking but I guess I was a buzz kill. I cry everyday and feel like I am falling apart and he is out there going to parties and bbqs having relationships with other woman. I just want this to go away and I do not know how. I feel cheated out of something great I feel like this man was put into my life I was the happiest I had been in any relationship and now hes gone. He for some reason is angry at me and I get the feeling blames me for a lot of his pain. I am sorry this is so long. I cannot discuss this with anyone. Not one of my friends or family wants to hear anything about him. They all gave up hope on him a long time ago. So I feel very alone even though I know I am not. I have to let go its causing me so much stress I am just so worried about him its like I am addicted to him. Whats wrong with me. If anyone of my friends told me they were dealing with someone who treats them this way I would say get away from them, why on earth do I keep doing this to myself I keep going back over and over and its my fault I do what the heck is wrong with me...thanks for listening