tears,
I am so sorry that you are going through this but glad that you have found this place. It and AlAnon saved my life.
Much of what you wrote sounded like I could have written it. I went with my XAH to have a CT scan of his brain because he was acting weird. We sat together and talked to the doctor. I was just so terribly naive that I did not think someone who I loved so much would blatantly lie to me like he had done so many times. I bought a cheap breathalizer and he still denied being drunk. So I then bought an expensive one like the state troopers use. $1000 later I realized that I had been lied to over and over. It was the best money I ever spent. Everything begin to make sense. He went through rehab three times. When I had only one small thread of sanity left I divorced him. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but there was no other alternative. He's had a series of bad things happen since then.
I have learned that all I can control is myself. Now that you realize what you are dealing with you will be able to make better decisions. Give yourself time. You are now protecting yourself and your children. That is a huge step in the right direction.
Hugs to you.