Welcome, tears.
I'm so sorry this is happening but you've found a wonderful place to come to, here at SR. I found that my story was/is completely understood here, that I wasn't/am not losing my mind.
I think the most painful part of my story has been letting go of the fantasy of the "happy family." But what I can tell you is that after being in Alanon for 2 years I am happier now than I've ever been in my life, and my children are thriving. They go to Alateen, by the way, and have learned so much. I highly recommend it.
You're being a great Mom. All the rest will unfold, one day at a time...
Hugs,
posie