Story,
My ex is not an addict, but he broke my heart. I too keep leading myself into areas that I KNOW will hurt, but yet I do. I don't know why we do that.
Very recently I realized that I was still needing the contact with the man and the relationship that was there before he hurt ( and left) me. That person no longer exists, so I can't have was isn't there.
I find myself daily thinking about the "us" that was, not the reality of what is. So I'm now determined to stay in reality. I know had things not gone sour, we would have had a good life. But that isn't reality.
Its baby steps for me too.
I hope this helped a little. Keep posting and always remember we're here when you need an ear.
(((hugs)))