Originally Posted by
Wonderingwife 
I guess the issue that I am having is with the lying. If he only drinks a few days a week (and he isn't coming home drunk), should I be making such a huge deal about it? To me it is like just waiting for it to get out of control- I cannot handle the uncertainty.
I would like to go to Al-Anon but I live in a small town and really want to be anonymous...
Hi Wonderingwife...welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us.
I would really recommend reconsidering Al-Anon, despite being in a small town. You'd be surprised how many people struggle with their loved ones' addiction...There are also online Al-Anon meetings, and I believe the F&F forum here has an online meeting on Saturdays...
I applaud you for being so honest with yourself. You can clearly admit that you have an issue both with the drinking and the lack of honesty. As for the "should I be" sentence...there's no right or wrong here. If you feel that the drinking is a problem for you, then it's a problem. I'm with you on the lying...how can you trust a person who cannot be honest with you?
And finally, you are right about waiting for it to get out of control. Alcoholism is a progressive disease that, if left untreated, will result in death. It's that simple. IMO functional alcoholism is just a stage in the disease; it will eventually worsen and spiral out of control. Ask yourself if you want to be around during that destructive period. The 3 C's of addiction tell us that:
You didn't CAUSE the drinking
You can't CURE the drinking
you can't CONTROL the drinking
All you can do is focus on yourself, decide on what your boundaries are (i.e. what you are willing or not willing to accept in a relationship) and enforce them with your partner.
Good luck to you and keep posting. SR is always open.