Thanks everyone, you've all made me feel better already!
Funny thing, I've attempted to write this 2 times before.. and each time my laptop keeps clicking it off. I don't know if it's a button I'm accidentally pushing or what.. At one point I was almost done! Frustrating but still kinda funny.
Scolova, sounds like we're in the same boat. I definitely used alcohol to help me sleep. So, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one.
eJoshua, thanks. I have thought about going to AA. I've looked up some meetings online and I just may go sometime soon. It will be a new experience for sure.. I've kept my problem well hidden for a while and very few people even know I drink. Or used to.
Dee, thanks. I'm happy I found this message board. You all seem really great.
Sadsoul.. thank you. And congrats on your 5 days.. or going on 6 now. That's awesome. And sorry, you're not getting much support either. I don't think it's unusual for husbands to be that way. My hubby is really sweet and he's a good guy. But he just doesn't have a clue what I need right now.
I had to do a little figuring ..but I think it's been 6 or 7 years that I've been binge drinking on a regular basis. Usually on the weekends.. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Most weeks I'd drink 2 or 3 days but it really ranged from weeks with no alcohol to weeks where I'd drink every single night. Usually it was vodka mixed with whatever was in the fridge. Sometimes I'd drink with my husband. But mostly by myself, and mostly into the wee hours of the morning. That's how it's been so easy to keep it secret. Only 3 people in my life even know about my problem. I think most people would be shocked.
To cope with not drinking.. I've been going to the gym and taking all my frustrations out on the elliptical machine. Drinking lots of water and sweating it out. I've been meditating a little bit. And I'm taking Omega 3's. I consider this as my healing time. Since I'm dealing with grief and recovery at the same time.. my emotions are a mess. So taking it one day at a time.. trying to heal. I won't get into it right now but I've had some health problems from the drinking.. seems to be harder on women. And I know I have no choice but to stop now or I just won't make it too much longer.
ttbp, Thank you! And I'm lovin' the guy with the sign. lol.