Hi everyone. I was (am) on day 19 as of now. I decided to relapse last night. I actually thought i could control it. I feel like such a fool. Had I just stayed strong, taken the good advice I give other addicts and taken my meds on time, I would have been fine. Is testing your limits a part of recovery? Fudge it. I am not stashing anymore. I am pouring my impromptu stash out right now. Why do I feel the need to go back to an abusive relationship? I feel like i'm giving myself lip service whether i'm drinking or in recovery. I'm afraid that I can't stay sober alone but i'm terrified of meeting new people. I'm not comfortable in AA and the alternative programs are quite far away. Not a problem now but driving over ice through snow scares the poo outta me.
Well, whisper a prayer for me today. I will try with all my heart pull myself back up and chalk this up to a learning experience. Amazing. Drinking STILL doesn't solve my problems or make me truly happy. Big surprise. I feel like a baby who is trying to learn how to walk but would rather fall down alone than hold on to the edge of a table.