I feel ya. Its a rotten merry go round to be on....but its a straight ride to HELL from here on out for you I bet. Chances are good if you are smokin like that your days of successful using are over and it is all just the horror that IS ADDICTION...
We have no gaurantees. We get recovery and sobriety ONE day at a time..and those days can get pretty long and grueling sometimes but it is the ONLY way out of the insanity..One day at a time...You can do 24 hours right?? Well luckily thats all you have to do right now. Don't trip on the future...start now...google some NA stuff online and read it..go to a meeting..post here..try to make some FRIENDS TO SUPPORT YOU.....you got us here..thats a good start...
I hope you WILL get clean ! I work with people who are out there on the streets smoking every day and it is nothing pretty...Save yourself..You are the ONLY one who CAN..but we can help...and so can a higher power (find one!)...
Thanks for posting!!
love norty