sooners

Thank you for your reply failedtaper! It means a lot. I was stupid last night, really stupid. I took my last oxy two nights ago and decided I better start yesterday. I didn't wake up until 6:00 p.m. or check that, I woke up a couple of times, but could only get up to use the bathroom and go back to bed. When I did get up (I believe I talked about panic attacks in my previous posts) I started having heavy anxiety, shortness of breath, rapid heart beats and thinking crazy scary things and all I could do was pray and crawl back into bed again. I finally got it under control and got up and took 2 mg of xanax, but couldn't eat anything.

A couple hours later I took another 1 mg of xanax as my anxiety was going through the roof, I didn't want to talk to my wife, son or brother.... I just wanted to be alone. After taking another 2 mg xanax around midnight I felt sleepy enough to go to bed, my wife was rubbing my back and telling me how proud she was of me and that I can get through this, but the worst RLS I've ever had, including the ones I deal with on a weekly basis with being a chronic diabetic Type 1, I had to get out of bed, tried sitting in my recliner, rubbing them, then it moved up towards my arms and I just felt like jumping up and shaking my whole body, I tried walking around, everything I could think of, then I did the stupidest thing ever.

I know better, know better, than to take any kind of benzo with an opioid, but I thought it had been long enough since I took my last benzo (which I haven't taken in over a month because they are as needed for panic attacks), anyway I decided to cut one of my 20 mg Oxycodone IR pills in half and only take 10 mg and to get on the computer and write to my friends on here. The next thing I knew after posting a reply, I was waiting to hear back from someone, but the next thing I remember is my wife waking me up at 7:00 a.m. in the morning, I was slumped over my lab top in my recliner with the forum still on. I will not do that again and I am so mad at myself for not being strong enough to even get through day 1.

I usually take 60-100 mg of Oxycodone a day, this is day 2 now with only having 10 mg of Oxycodone in my system. I am very irritated, have completely no energy. I have a paper due today in which I skipped class and will have to take the 5% discount on my grade, because I can email it in, but at this point I can not even concentrate enough to write a reflection paper on Pastoral Theology concerning the model of "Understanding Family Process" by Friedman. I am praying to God he will grant me the strength to write this paper tomorrow and get it mailed in. But, like I said before, there is no way I could have waited to start this on reading week, my body was already needing more.

Please keep me in your prayers, I never knew just how hard this was going to be, my feet, legs, hands, fingers etc. with my neuropathy are hurting 2X as much right now and my mental state is weak. I have not taking anything today at all and I am afraid of facing the RLS again tonight. They hurt twice as bad when I already have them to begin with, with my neuropathy, almost feel like cutting them off LOL.

Thanks everyone for your help, prayers and insight. I am so glade God led me to this forum and the people are great!

Blessings,

Day 2 and worried