Yes I mean XABF has been drinking these last 3 years. I would still be there waiting for a miracle.
Ends are also beginnings.
I recommend the book "the Grief Club" by Melody Beatty, its about coping with all kinds of change including losing an alcoholic. Mourning an active alcoholic was the most difficult time of my life ever. Take it easy. One day.. one hour... one minute at a time.
PS There are wonderful great people out there, who would never ever DREAM about hurting you this way. Meeting some of them has been worth the initial hurt. (I do not mean romantically, just meeting people as friends, knowing there are good hearted ones just like you)