Hi Turnforturn Welcome! You should be so proud that you have had these feelings and not acted on them. I know it's hard, but you're doing really, really well.
I can tell you that it does get better. I hardly ever think of oxycontin anymore (2 years 4 mo clean) and if I do it only lasts a few seconds, then my brain moves on and doesn't dwell on it like it used to. I have a whole new life now and I love that my brain and body feel like they actually belong to me now. At 1st it was hours at I would accidently forget to think about using and I say to myself "Wow, I just went 2 or 4 or 6 hours without a thought about it." Then those hours became days and then months. Now it is very rare that it happens. Now my only reason to think about it is to try to help out others with some of my experience and hopeing it will help them.
Don't be too hard on yourself, it is hard and we understand that. You haven't caved, you can be strong (or eat junk food, that's always good too) and pat yourself on the back for the great progress you have made.
...Ruby...
Last edited by RubyRose; 10-10-2011 at 07:47 PM.
Reason: hoping, hopping, hopeing, none look right