I took bupe , theres nothing wrong with it if used correctly. I unfortunately could not use it correctly , much like everything else. I've kicked every way imaginable really , the only thing that worked for me was an inpatient rehab for several months.
Try not to feel guilty , im into my third year of sobriety and still have dreams. I still check in drawers and under car seats just to see if maybe i dropped something.
The realities we live in are constructs of our own choosing. Hang in there , everything gets much easier.