Welcome sadsoul
The only way I know to get past that regret, embarrassment and shame is to start doing things differently
I felt a lot differently about myself and my life at day 90 than I did at day one of sobriety.
Once out of the cycle, I think you'll be amazed at the change in your perspective.
Getting out of that cycle can start with a decision not to drink today
Try not to worry about anything else for now - many of our members deal with spouses who drink - it's hard but not a dealbreaker
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.
Please consider seeing your Dr if you've been drinking for a while though. Detox can sometimes be troublesome for some of us.
D