My sister wasn't 'telling' on my mom any more than any of us would be 'telling' on my brother for using. If we "minded our own business" about that one, my mom would still be believing "Im tired, i got no sleep" and been giving my brother money and food etc. etc. She knows I don't live there and i'm usually left out of the loop and she didn't want me to feel like an idiot for believing her when it wasn't happening the way I thought. My sister didn't do anything sneaky, she tells my mom she's wrong to her face too. She doesn't rag on her she was concerned for HER recovery as a codie and DEFENDING my mom from ME cause I was angry with my mom. She accepts my moms kindness by contributing to that household like cinderella with a happy spirit so the picture that was seemingly painted of my sister as two faced and advantage-taking isn't easy to swallow and couldn't be farther from the truth.
And my family is a very tight knitted large family. I personally don't think that the way my mom interacts with my brother is "none of my business" when she knows how its affected me, has MADE it my business by asking for my input and saying she would be open and honest w me, and then doesn't. And we don't have things on our minds and hearts that we don't talk about. we're not a family that doesn't address the elephant in the room, and if we tried, my mom and I would have an awkward relationship. It's just not how we roll.
But I understand your point. I'm not a dad just yet myself and I have no idea how it is to have an addict child and see the dynamic between them and my other non-using children and myself. Its a point I struggle with cause I can say "If it were my kid" all I want but until it IS my kid I'll never know. Thanks for the point of view.