Laanisa,
You have no idea how many of us can identify with what you are going through. I certainly can relate. Have faith that you have the power to change your situation. Change might seem impossible at times but we all have the power to make it happen.
My life got so crazy that I now desire to remain sober more than to continue drinking. Quiting drinking was a very scary thing for me to imagine while I was still drinking.
Have faith and courage and things will get better.
Hang in there and thanks for sharing.