Originally Posted by
laanisa 
...it feels like i've given up. I am so sad, can this ever feel better?
If haven't given up yet if you are here seeking help. And it can get better if you are willing to do what it takes.
I think we (alcoholics) get a few opportunities to save ourselves. But just a few. I compare to a drowning person who bobs to the surface a couple times before sinking down. Don't drown, save yourself. You are worth it.