I am sorry you are feeling so badly today....I (and most of us) have been there many, many times before. You are just going to have to get fed up with this and take action! It used to really upset me when people said that to me, but it is the truth. I am a 59 year old female that went to rehab when I was 35, sober for 8 yrs, drank, sober for 9 yrs, drank 4 yrs ago and am on day 57. Please don't put yourself through anymore. It doesn't get better - it gets worse and worse and worse - that is if you live through it. And it is so progressive! I didn't think I would ever be sober again this time around. You don't have to live this way - you really don't. I wish I could do something to help you, but then again you have to want it and you have to do it for yourself. But this post and numerous organizations, State resources, counselors, etc. are available to you if you reach out. Love, hugs, and positive energy is being sent your way. Take care. Elizabeth