Boundaries are for YOU not for trying to control other people. These statements sound controling:
He has to move out. My intent is not to divorce, but to follow through with a boundary I set that I could not keep doing this.
I am willing to do counseling as a couple, whatever, but he has to set it up. I will not.
I will not do anything to help him find counseling, programs, etc....he has to find them on his own.
He has to have 1 year - 12 straight months clean - to be able to move back in. His time starts when he moves out.
I will promise not to pursue any other relationship and to focus on get healthy myself. If I find out that he pursues a relationship, all bets are off and I will proceed to file for divorce.
We evaluate each month on where he is with a drug test, random.
He will give me enough money to pay mortgage each month and I will figure out the rest. The mortgage is only 900.00 each month (that will count as 'child support')
He can have access to the kids, and happy to do dates, whatever as long as he is clean.
These are boundaries:
I will not live with a drug user or a person who has used drugs within the last year. I expect you to find somewhere else to stay immediately. If you do not leave, I will take the children and find somewhere else to stay until a judge settles this.
I will not be in a relationship with someone who cheats on me. If I suspect my husband is pursuing other relationships, I will file for divorce.
I will be honest and I will not accept lies or half truths from others. If I suspect someone is lying to me, I will no longer accept them as part of my life.
I will treat people in my life with respect and I expect others to treat me with respect. If a person is disrespectful to me, I will leave the situation immediately.
I will work on my own recovery by attending individual counseling and alanon meetings xxx days per week.
I will allow my husband the dignity of making his own choices regarding his recovery and counseling. I will not try to control or help him.
I will not leave my children in the care of someone whom I suspect is using drugs.
I will not allow the people in my life or my children's lives to be irresponsible when it comes to their financial obligations including the mortgage and child support to the tune of $900.00 per month, unless a judge says otherwise.