I have to finish an essay, get my work done and study for a test, so I apologize in advance for my brevity.
Just wanted to add that like-minded seem to stick together. I maintain that you should be weary of the counselor your husband chose and his friends that swear by him. There is likely a reason.
I also wanted to chime in to say I still call my ex "the charmer" because on the surface he put on a great show. Everyone loved him. Those that never lived with him of course. I understand it though. Surely, they wouldn't dare walk around and say these things in FRONT of people - then everyone would KNOW they were being abusive, or they were being a$$holes. Then they would be exposing themselves. YOU would gain the allies, and his would be lost. Instead, they work on convincing the universe that you are crazy and awful and they are the victim (and might I add; if we are all so awful, why oh why do they keep us around? huh?). They build up their little army. Everything they do is strategic. As, I've said a few times. It's what they do.
100% agree there is often more going on behind the scenes that he is not sharing.
Echo the others and your mother. MAKE A CONTINGENCY PLAN.