Day One Again
I refuse to give up on this. I find it amazing how alcohol has literally become part of my life...right up there with kids,family,friends, and work. I never dreamed there would come a day where I would struggle with not drinking for just ONE day, and feel this overwhelming sense of accomplishment for doing something as inactive as NOT drinking. I woke up this morning committed to not drinking today, much as I do many other days. But I stuck with it this time, and scared as I was (which as much as I feel it, being scared of not drinking makes no logical sense to me) I made it through. I went to a school function, which I usually don't because I just want to be home and drink. But being there just made me see that I could be so much better, that I have been isolating myself and not living my best life by any means. Lately, I just cannot stand my image in the mirror. I've always had issues with my weight, up and down, mostly up, and in the past, I would just hate how I looked because of my weight. But lately, my eyes look dull and bloodshot, my face bloated, just a look of someone who doesn't have it together. My head has just been in a constant fog, of drinking, hangover, lack of good sleep, stress, ugh. I am definately sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
So, day one of many and I'm on my way back. I know it won't be easy. But I simply can't feel like that anymore. It's destroying me, and I love myself, my kids, and my life way too much to live it like this.
I am committed. This site is so encouraging to me, always has been, when I'm willing to stare down this addiction that I've allowed to overtake me. No more. It's time for making some major changes, one day at a time.