It helps me when I become attached to a loved ones troubles to remember the 3C's of addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
His addiction and troubles belong to Him. As an adult, he needs to find his own path of recovery.
I needed to focus on taking care of myself. I needed to let the other adults in my life learn to take care of themselves. It was mutual respect. I wanted to be respected to make my own choices and deal with my own consequences of bad choices. I also wanted to respect other's choices and let them deal with their consequences of any bad decisions. It is a part of the process of growing.
And here is a slogan we have at Alanon and SR is:
Let Go or Be Dragged