I said to myself at that time something like 'I am about to lose everything that I live for, I will get only one chance to make this work, and I will do this thing because I can'.
I told myself this over and over when that 'Have to have a drink' voice started poking me and nagging me and yelling at me. That was when I decided that voice was no longer me, that I was really the person that I used to be back then.
Now, I am the person that I want to be again. Hang in, EdHarley. Tomorrow will be better. Keep posting here and you will find the support you need.