I don't know how to express how hard it is for me to trust my instincts. I need these reminders/wake up calls bc what happens is I DO have concerns, I express these to AH and then suddenly I'm "alienating" him, or "neurotic" or "putting ideas in the girls heads".
I do appreciate very much all of your observations and pointed remarks that I need to trust my instincts and if I sense something is wrong, it probably is. I'm so afraid of the wrath from AH if I try to stand up for myself or the girls that I suppose over the years I've preferred (subconsciously) to tell myself that it's me who's seeing things that aren't there. And that just isn't the case I guess.
I grew up with a mother who while not an alcoholic, may as well have been one bc she behaved exactly like AH does minus being drunk. And when I felt anything (and I was a really perceptive kid) I was told I was nuts. I was brought to an IN-PATIENT psych ward on my 13th bday for "assessment" bc my mom was convinced I was nuts (and by then and well into my 30's I believed so too). I got a copy of the reports from that day a few yrs ago and it was disturbing to read that all that was assessed was that there was signficant dysfunction in the family and reading between the diplomatic psych jargon it essentially said that I was being abused and living in a dangerous situation.
Then I married AH who told me all the same messages my mom had... Anyway, I spent 38 yrs believing that my perceptions were wrong/crazy and it's hard to change that belief. I recognize that now but changing it isn't happening overnight.
I just re-read my post and of course I knew D6 was upset and why is it that I question my perceptions? Well, I guess I just explained...
I don't know how to "justify" keeping AH from the girls. I have no tangible proof of abuse toward them and even D6's T has said that courts don't listen to he said/she said about kids demeanor etc... when with the A parent. And this same T informed me that I need to be very careful about suggesting too much that the girls not be with AH often if at all bc it WILL be viewed by the court as alienating.
So, what do I do? Even when I'm here the girls are wound tighter than a coil when AH is around so what's the solution?