Denial is part of this illness (and I've seen some very severe alcoholics still in denial about their condition, they don't think they fit the 'stereotype' etc). It's difficult to think clearly about all the issues, early in recovery. After a few months, I noticed a great change in my thinking - I was no longer spending most of my time preoccupied or obsessed with alcohol, to the exclusion of so much else, when I wasn't actually drinking. That made it hit home to me just how dependent I had been on it. Alcoholism follows a progressive pattern for many, that's how it was for me. At first it seemed a positive experience, it became increasingly negative as time went on but I spent a long time trying to chase how it was at the beginning. I'd quit for awhile to try and lower my tolerance, then try some 'controlled' drinking again, it always backfired for me. That's how I knew. It's just not worth it, all the energy and focus I wasted. You don't have to compare yourself to others in recovery. When I went to AA, I found it hard to relate to some of the stories... but I took them as a warning to myself of how it could be if I continued.