Jamieeg-
I have been struggling with how my ex in laws and my loved ones family and friends think about his drinking. I had my mother in law who I adore tell me that I was going to Al-Anon for other drinking in my family because she did not think my ex had drinking problems. In the next phone call (he was living with her at the time) she told me how he was always out with this football league and coming home so late (his usual actions, and drinking was always involved). I think he, his family, his new wife all think I am the problem. When I start to believe that is when I get self-destructive to myself. When I can be a little more objective it is okay.
It has helped me to realize how easy it was for me not to see it, and for how long I did see it but did nothing about it to help myself. They are just not as far on the path of recovery as I am and that helps me to have compassion for all of us.
You are right though it still hurts very much, for me it can stir up my crazy making head of thinking well maybe it is not that bad, maybe I was wrong etc.
I don't have any words to offer to help, except time has helped me, Al-Anon meetings, individual counseling, distance etc. I am glad you are here.