Hi Deserto! I did it too - graduated from beer to 100-proof vodka. Even that didn't do the job in the end. I was drinking all day & never feeling anything but numb. No more happy highs - just misery.
I had to admit I had no control once I picked up that first drink. It took me many years to come to that conclusion. I insisted it was only a matter of willpower. I realized I could never predict what would happen when I drank. It was so hard - but I finally admitted I had to stop completely - no more dancing with the devil.
I'm glad you've realized what needs to be done. You can have a whole new life without your crutch. Keep talking to us, and congratulations on your decision.