Tuffgirl-My two cents says you should cut and run. I faced this ugliness with a non-alcoholic (but still an a$$hole) ex husband - considering the fact that I used all of my capital to invest in not one, but two businesses for us (both went bust), basically carried him for our marriage financially, and in the end, he still asked for more.
By then, legally, I had to pay him a percentage of the house and what savings I had-that hurt, made my as angry as hell, but when all was said and done, when I finished ranting and raving, it finally dawned on me that it was a small price to pay to get him out of my life. My final words to him when he got what was coming to him-hope these 30 pieces of silver have been worth all of the battles" - his reply was that if I had signed an agreement earlier, he would have asked for less. That's when I knew that what I paid him was worth every penny to see the end of him.
Fast forward to me now-a failed marriage and then, relationship with an alcoholic - one that was filled with insanity for the entire time. When he started pressuring me to "help" him pay down his DUI fines, to help him get a car so that "we" could have the life we dreamed of, the thoughts of what I went through with the exhubby came right back to me - the exABF threw it up in my face that if I could pay ex-hubby X amount, then I OWED him that consideration. Long story short-I never helped him with his fines. Told him that was his responsibility and as long as he drank, I would never be part owner of a vehicle where he had access to drive.
That relationship is now history and as much as I tried, as much as I invested in the relationship, it wasn't meant to be. My sanity and well being was way too important to risk continuing, especially when he made it clear that his way (no recovery tools) was the right way to stay sober. Too much insanity, too much hurt and grief. I cut and ran and was told that I could never sustain a long term relationship because I was too selfish and "cheap."
They say that the greatest revenge is living well. I may not be rich (far from it
) but I'm happy. I'm paying down the CC debt for my schooling in small chunks, but I'm still doing it. My rent and utilities are all paid promptly while EXABF (on a disability with a rent subsidy and working some hours) can barely pay his TV/Internet bill. He's back on the dating sites trolling for a new enabler. I'm working on more courses, still looking for a job but I'm sane. I have family and friends to lean on. I have a great little house-been here for two years. He lives in shared accommodation in a seedy part of town with druggies as neighbours. I have a dog I adore, good neighbours, food on the table and a better sense of myself.
As Freedom said-they have to live with themselves and all of what this disease has cost them. Your hubby, my EXABF, all of them have that one commonality, while we have something they don't have - the will and desire to live a good, happy life - that takes work, responsibility and facing up to our issues and dealing with them head on. What that gives us is serenity - a priceless gift for anyone.