I am in a lot of pain and I am tired of digging into my past trying to figure out why I am the way I am today.
I am laughing at this statement right now and not at you but at myself.
I had done all 'that digging', so I thought, in my first 3 years in AA in recovery. Then on my 3rd sober Anniversary, to the day, my AA sponsor STRONGLY SUGGESTED that I start attending Alanon IMMEDIATELY and get an Alanon Sponsor in addition to her. Sheesh
Still not being real 'self assured' and wanting her approval I did. I got an Alanon sponsor, a gal that was also sober many years in AA and turns out was a friend of my AA sponsor.
So here I was attending Alanon, GETTING A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THE 12 STEPS, and was required to do them ALL again, especially Step 4 and 5, holy hannah.
Well thanks to AA and Alanon, I have gotten into the routine of doing a THOROUGH Step 4 and 5 every 5 years and just finished up my sixth 4th and 5th this past June.
"More will be revealed."
I have to be honest here, that until I 'peeled away the layers of the onion' to get down to the core and figure out where all this came from, both the addiction and the codependency, the only one I was hurting from progressing was myself.
So, take a break, but please 'keep digging'. It is amazing at what we can and do find out about ourselves.
I was YEARS into recovery before I actually realized and accepted that the family I grew up in was a TOTAL DYSFUNCTIONAL DISASTER.
J M H O
Love and hugs,