I am gutted..again. and heartbroken... again. You'd think that the hope would die out after awhile, right? He came home smelling like alcohol..again. Long, painful story short, looks like we are heading home next week. I have been looking at apartments in my hometown, he said he would pay child support. He is signing the paper saying i have permission to take our boys out of the country tomorrow after work. He refers to our leaving casually, as if we were going to the park for an afternoon. The only thing he says, is that us leaving is something that can't be helped. completely emotionless.
I loved him since I met him, four years ago. But apparently i am something that can be simply tossed aside. And yes, i know that its better for my two little boys this way, but it still kills inside. Oh, did i mention that i am pregnant with our third? Just barely found out, myself. (Still breastfeeding my one yr old, so AF still somewhat random.) And yes, he knows.
still struggling with how i am going to be able to provide for my boys, and still be mommy and now, daddy, without them feeling alone or abandoned or something horribly awful like that.
How can i become the provider, the protector, and the comforter? I freak out whenever i see a bug(insects have no place in this world.
They only eat other bugs, so i say just get rid of all of 'em.) and i can't even sleep alone without a light on somewhere in the house.
I just turned 28 this past Monday..but i have spent the last five years of my life in Japan. And now i
feel even more lost than i did before i even came here.
