Thanks for the support thus far.
Failedtaper, how long have you been off subs, and how long / dosage were you on. And how do you feel?
Today I had a long and emotional talk with my mother about what I am going through, and she immediately began to cry. 7 years ago my sister was murdered by her husband, who was a retired police officer, than killed himself. The 4 children, my 3 nephews who were 7 9 and 11, were not his, and my niece was about 4, they found them when they came home from school. My sister and I were always very close, i love her very much, and miss her everyday. This horrible thing that happened and seeing what it did to my parents is what brought me to rehab in the first place, where I thought I was doing the right thing with "suboxone". Anyways I explained to my mother what I was feeling and what was going on, and trust me she could see it, she lives in PA with my father and nephews and niece about 90 minutes away, I don't visit that often anymore, but I used too all the time, to spend time with my father (who has had multiple massive heart attacks and many surgeries.) and to see my nieces and nephews that my parents have been raising since my sister was stolen from us. My mother told me she would support me emotionally, physically, and financially for as many months as she has to, to get her son back. She does not want to bury her only child, and this is very therapeutic for her depression for not being able to help my sister. I am lucky I have such a mother and I know I am truly blessed(even though I'm not very religious at all). I talked to my wife about it, and she agrees it's the best thing for me. I hate to leave my family, but I know I'm not really here now, and I need to be here in 10 years. I have other physical problems as well, but that's another post.... Anyway knowing I have such tremendous support, financially for "my wife and kids, while I'm out of work" and emotionally/physically, It eases my nerves quite a bit. I will hate being away, and I feel like a failure, but they will visit me often, and I don't want my daughter to see me in such a W/D for such a long time. I have to plan this right, I am starting to taper down my dosages every day, a little each day, get everyone at work behind me, (they know what's going on with me somewhat) and I need a little time to prepare them. I need to get my wife set up financially along with other responsibilities I have always taken out. And prepare my daughters for it. I plan to be tapered off and start my road to recovery within the next 4-6 weeks. I beat crack/coke/pills the whole nine yards with my first round of addiction, and I recovered in PA with mom, she loves me, but she means business, it will get the job done. I count the days till I can go, but still fear/know I will most likely go through another temporay W/D before... Hopefully not.