LTD that helps, a lot. I have been with my RAH for almost 28 years now. I was 16 when our relationship first started. We dated and split up 3 times before we married when I was 22. In the 6 years we dated we matured and grew to realize we found our Husband/Wife. While no one is perfect, we felt we found someone who we wanted to be with and I don't think either of us was out to change the other person. Then alcoholism came into our lives and slowly each of us changed, and became ill. This change took place over many many years. Now on the other side of rehab and with months of Al-anon and therapy we are trying to find who we are again.
I don't expect my RAH to be anyone but himself but I do have expectation of what a husband should be like. Can there be compromises? you bet and but somethings are deal breakers.