I second the suggestion to bring up the $ in counseling.
The sex thing is such a difficult issue. I don't think that most men and women look at sex the same way. Does he honestly think you are purposely avoiding something that you WANT to do just to punish him? Or does he just not care if you want to participate or not? I don't know too many men that want to have sex with someone that has put them through hell. It takes time to heal and feel loving again. Sometimes I wish our bodies functioned the same way as theirs, so that if we didn't want it, we wouldn't be capable of it.