"Even a simple " I miss being with you" would really go far, but what I get is him being irritated that he has been faithful for all of our marriage and not having sex is his worst nightmare."
This made me so sad. What a strange, sad, creepy little worldview he has. He wants a medal for being faithful? He gets pissy with you because you won't pretend to be turned on? Ugh.
Not sure what counselling could do about that.
About the money, sure, bring it up in counseling. "You said you never spent more than $100/month on booze? I used to see at least $300 going out. What was that about?" And just let him answer. It could be there's something to hide, or maybe just drunken denial as to the amount of money and booze consumed. But you bringing it up in a calm way is totally appropriate.