Alone22

RAH completed rehab a little over 2 weeks ago. We have been to two MC sessions and plan on continuing them until our relationship is firmly on the right path. RAH is calmer, seems to be pretty rational about most stuff, doing the right things to show me he wants things to be better (like taking me out to dinner, calling from work just to say hi and he even brought me flowers), things a good marriage should just simply have. He seems to be active in his recovery with meetings and talking with his sponsor.

I honestly feel pretty good about where life is at, BUT I am having trouble with a few things and thought I would get some help here to see if my perspective is off or if his is. The one BIG thing that we are not in the same place at is sex. For years I really felt like I was being used, it became simply physical with complete lack of any loving. He had this internal time clock of 3-5 days and if he didn't have sex about every 5 days he really got grumpy. So being the good codie that I was I would do my best to comply and be the good wife, fearful if I didn't it would just make things worse. When I finally reached my bottom and got the courage to change sex was one thing I finally put my foot down to. I see it as a consequence of his actions, of course he sees it as punishment. I have explained to him that I am not trying to punish him and now at this point I need time to heal, and our relationship needs time to heal. What really bugs me is that when he does talk about this, it is ALL about him and how long it has been, there is not one single thought in his head about me and my feelings. Even a simple " I miss being with you" would really go far, but what I get is him being irritated that he has been faithful for all of our marriage and not having sex is his worst nightmare. It makes me feel as if all the nice things he does is to simply get sex, not because he is doing it from the heart.

The other thing that came up during our MC (right at the end) was that the most he ever spent on alcohol in a month was $100. It leaves me wondering (if he is being truthful) why he was taking $300+ in cash out each month (and it wasn't for lunches because all of those went on the credit card)? One of my friends questioned if he was perhaps having an affair. I honestly have no clue, but it does leave me wondering. I really want to talk to him about it but in the past when I try to discuss money issues with him, it set him off. Now while I know I need to talk to him about this I find myself fearful of his reaction to my questions. Logically I look at the money and what he said and I call BS. I would love to say the past is the past, but he was the one who talked about this in MC so it brings it into the present. Either he is not being truthful on how much be spent on booze or there is something else I don't know yet.

Anyone have some feedback for me? I feel kind of stuck emotionally on both of these topics.