LifeBlows

I've posted many times about how there is beer in the fridge and wine in my brother's room. That's not news.
But yesterday my brother for whatever reason had left the wine downstairs on the dining table instead of hiding it in his bedroom. When I walked into the kitchen it was the first thing that I noticed. And I wanted some. I wasn't craving it exactly, I was just very aware of its presence and of the idea that I could drink some.
I didn't touch it and I didn't touch the beer. It was then that I knew that I finally felt that I would be okay, at Thanksgiving, at Christmas, at New Years.
More importantly, I finally felt for the first time (after 16 days of sobriety) that were I to earn any money, I would be able to go home without spending any of it on alcohol.
Holidays are difficult times for me. Last year I was sober for a couple of days before new year. I almost made it through the day sober but at midnight on Dec 31 I caved and drank and it was off to the races for pretty much the rest of the year. I'm starting to feel a bit safer.