Originally Posted by
newwings 
Hey Ryan...you and I go back a while. Glad you are over the anxiety hump and feeling good! It's great to see you back on here. I was blown away reading your post, because I've been losing sleep thinking about the EXACT SAME THING! Everything you wrote, I completely relate to. Every single word. Am I a real alcoholic because I managed to quit without too much of struggle? I definitely AM, I know that I am. I feel my struggle was WHEN I was drinking, and not now. Why was it so easy for me to put down that glass? I don't know, but maybe nearly dying did it for me. So many questions....!
I don't need the structure of AA to stay sober, absolutely not. I'm there, I feel good. I feel like I'm maintaining my sobriety in many different ways, and it feels great. I'm finally taking care of ME. I've fixed lots of things that were wrong, and I'm coming to terms with things I can't fix. Life is good.
...but sometimes it's a bit lonely. If I could go to AA every now and then, and use it solely as a place to meet and chat with sober people, I would, but it feels fraudulent to go there with no intention of working the steps. I mean, I really DON'T want to work the steps. I couldn't fake it in a meeting. I'm very happy as I am, in terms of who me really is. The 'ism' of my alcohol use seems to have disappeared. It's not part of me any more. Obviously, if my 'plan' isn't cutting it for me, I'd be quite prepared to throw my hands up and say, 'yes, this is what I need', but right now, I'd be using AA purely for the social aspect, and that would become painfully clear pretty immediately. I don't know how ethical that would be.
Any thoughts, anyone?
There is a huge percentage of AA members who don't work the steps but go to meetings, some of whom will stay, some will go, some will drink again, some will die and some will get to the point where they have to work the steps so i would say go to the meetings...the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking after all.
If you do attend meetings then you can benefit from the support etc.
Remember the steps are not just for stopping drinking sure they remove the mental obsession to drink but after that they become a way of life that counter the unmanageable aspects of our lives e.g. money, relationships etc that a lot of us struggle with when stopping drinking.
Regardless though you have a plan happy with your sobriety and i hope that you remain that way for the rest of your life so, at the moment, you have no desire to work the steps which is fine. I would put a caveat in my head that i will attend meetings for all the benefits and if i drink one more drink or get to the point where i am constantly anticipating doing so that i will just jump in and work the steps...you will be attending meetings so will be in the right place.
Hope that makes sense?
My own experience was that i had to work the steps, i was backed into a corner...drinking didn't work anymore and i had tried so many times to stay sober and failed. I wasn't prepared to live my life with cravings and triggers, y'know avoiding places and people for the rest of my life, keep thinking how well i am doing for not drinking like a loony, going to events with alcohol and feeling anything by the smell or people drinking etc i would rather have died than live like that...i no longer thought well at least i would not be drinking and i would accept some sort of screwed up half life when i had met all these people in AA with decades of sobriety where alcohol didn't even figure in their life and when i talked to them about drinking they had this "what the hell has drinking got to do with the price of eggs" look on their face...i wanted to be one of them...i did what they said and now drinking doesn't figure at all in my life, that's what i wanted and that's what i got:-)