Nightsd,
thank you so much for deciding to post here and giving us the perspective from "the other side". i agree with the notion that some posts do have a lot of anger and "hate" in them and i also can see where those feelings come from. it is not fair for us, the f/f, to feel as if all our troubles come from our addicted loved ones. we sometimes have to learn how to take responsibility for our own feelings and it is something a lot of us struggle with.
for me, personally, i cannot say that i hate my AH. i do love him with all my heart, despite all the lies and deceptions. it helps to separate the actual person from their actions when they are active addicts. and i do agree that most addicts do not hate their families or intentionally try to hurt them. their addiction and obsession w/ drugs/alcohol prevents them from rationally processing the effects of their actions on others. i honestly don't believe that my husband has any notion of how his addiction has affected me in a negative way. all he thinks is that by doing drugs, he is only hurting himself. and he is right to a certain extent, b/c in the long run it is the worst for him. the fact that he is also hurting his family is not something that he is after; it is almost like a by-product of a bad chemical experiment.
in short, i don't agree w/ anyone who considers addicts "bad people". i don't like labeling, either, and apologize if anyone gets offended by the use of the word "addict".
sorry, this is so long, but i just wanted to let you know that i appreciate you taking the time to talk to us about the feelings that someone who uses drugs/alcohol might have. it is often hard to talk to our loved ones about it, since it is a very touchy subject.
good luck in your recovery and thanks again.
