My husband still drinks though not as much nowadays. He never had the problems I do with drinking. We also had really gnarly marital problems similar to yours when I started to get sober.
We couldn't make any progress on that until I got some sobriety under my belt. So I had to put my head down and work on my own sobriety no matter what else was going on around me. There would be no "me" left to work on let alone a marriage if I kept on drinking so trying to do anything with my life without getting sober first was pointless. We did separate for a time but we needed time apart to help us detach from the codependent way we had of coexisting.
We're so much better now - back together and working on making good memories instead of bad ones.
Sorry you are going through this. It's a lonely place to be - feels like you are the only one going through this. Rest assured we're not the first and won't be the last having marital issues. I found this book to be critical when I was in so much pain about my marriage: 'The Language of Letting Go' by Melanie Beattie.
Take care of yourself.
Much love.