bad day
My wife has been in recovery for 2 yrs. When she was drinking things were terrible. She was angry, destructive, and very mean. Forget that she was always unavailable as a friend or spouse. If she wasn't lashing out about something, it was a good day. Then she entered recovery, and for 2 yrs things got better. Underlying issues that she struggled with seemed to be accessible, and I had hoped we were on a path to a happier future, not perfect, just happier. Then yesterday I noticed she seemed a bit 'off'. She said she was going to sit in the garden and read. After a while I went out to say hi, and as I walked in the garden she quickly hid a drink behind a table. She could see from the look on my face I saw it. I asked her what it was and she said "she had been bad and had a drink" like a little girl confessing something. I went over and found a bottle of wine hidden in the pine mulch next to her chair. She said she had just started drinking that week, and confessed that all the wine she had hidden was in a cabinet on the porch. I found an empty 4 pack of small wine bottles. Se swears that is all there is. I feel so betrayed, so angry. I don't believe she is telling the truth. Today I feel like crap. I love my wife, want to support her. I also understand this is a disease, and recovery is forever. I get it doesn't have to be anything except round two, but I am so upset. I will not live in a world dominated by lying. I am willing to be her friend, supporter, whatever...but not a chump. I have bent over backwards trying to be supportive, talking, sharing. But if she would rather drink than be in a relationship....If she had come to me and told me she had relapsed we would have dealt with it. But catching her means that it might have gone on, it means she was willing deceiving me. What does that means for trust? What kind of relationship do you have without trust? I don't want to spend the rest of my life on a roller coaster. I'm sorry to vent like this, but I needed to write this down, I guess. I needed to get this out there. Tomorrow I'll access my support systems, but today is tough.