kiki - Glad you came here to talk about it. You have plenty of company - we all get what you're going through.
I never wanted to face my alcoholism either. I spent many years trying to prove I could use willpower to control it. I never was able to stick to any of my plans to just have 'a few' - only on weekends, etc. All my attempts at moderating led back to binging, blackouts, and dangerous behavior. I had no choice but to admit the only safe thing to do was never touch it. The fun that it used to be was gone, & never coming back. You can do this kiki - think how good you felt 2 yrs. ago. You can get that feeling back, and start over again. This time you know what to do. Keep talking to us.
