Hugs to you, breakingglass, from another who is dealing with the physical effects of stress and anxiety (hives, skin rashes, weight loss, lack of appetite). Take it one day at a time, make your plans, and put them into action. I dreaded for months knowing I was coming to an impasse with my AH, and found it was somewhat of a relief when I finally took action and separated from him. It has been very hard, but not nearly as hard as continuing to live that lonely life under the same roof.
I did not know what would happen when I asked AH to leave. I knew he would dig in his heels and refuse. To my surprise, he agreed to do so when I simply said "we can do this the hard way or the easy way." I was afraid he'd call my bluff so had a backup plan to move out myself, with four kids in tow.