Hiya Dancingnow!
My AH has done some really super crappy stuff to me. He has verbally/physically/emotionally abused me. He has invalidated my feelings, minimized my hurt/pain... and just downright avoided taking responsibility for any of his crap. I'm willing to bet you experienced all the same for several years during the drinking. And guess what - it sucks. And it hurt you. And feeling hurt and mad is a NORMAL response. Your feelings are OKAY.
What you are looking for from your AH is validation of your hurt/pain. You're looking for him to acknowledge that what he did is wrong/hurtful/whatever. But he can't give that to you because he's just not capable right now. Maybe someday he will get to a point where he can give that to you, maybe not.
In the meantime, you can work on your recovery - reach out to people who are safe, who can give you love/support - until you heal enough to be able to do it for yourself.
I don't know if you go to Al-anon, but if you do - please consider getting a sponsor. My sponsor has been an absolute godsend. She has helped me see that my own behaviors (ie. going to the hardware store looking for bread!) were keeping me stuck.
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon